Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Parenting Advice!

So Mia is all of 9 weeks now. Since that makes me a sufficiently old hand at parenting I think new moms everywhere can benefit from my advice. The rules keep changing as your child grows, so before the lessons I’ve learned need to be unlearned and learnt again, let me put a few of them down in no particular order of importance.

Never get into a staring contest with a baby, she’ll always win hands down. (Seriously, Mia, blinks, like, once in 10 mins; and by that I mean falls asleep and wakes up again.)

2. Speaking of hands down, if you’re rocking a baby to sleep (especially if she’s been crying for 2 hours and you’ve just managed to calm her into a semi somnolent state), do NOT move your arm to scratch the itch on your nose, because an itchy nose is a positive delight compared to what will inevitably follow this rookie mistake.

While we're on the topic of putting her to sleep, do not look directly AT her when she's just falling asleep because the baby will take that as a challenge to engage in another staring contest.

3. Your baby does not hate you. Not all the time anyway, only from 6 to 8 pm. At other times, she kinda likes you.

4. One does not need to be bitten by a radioactive spider to acquire superpowers like enhanced hearing, sight and smell. One just needs to have an insomniac baby who will start into wakefulness if the lady in the next building drops a spoon. One must also watch out for psychopathic tendencies involving using said spoon as a deadly weapon on neighbor ladies with butterfingers. You will also marvel at how suddenly NOISY the world is, no doubt echoing what your baby thinks too after the muffled comfort of the womb. People talk unnecessarily loudly, in fact, talk unnecessarily. Period. They drag their shoes across the floor, cough just to annoy you, and don’t get me started on how frivolous laughing is. All the doors and windows creak, and the neighbours upstairs, though always a noisy bunch, begin to throw riotous parties every Friday.

5. Do not attempt to reason with your 2 month old.

Baby: Waah

You: Are you hungry?

Baby: Waaah

You: Tell me, sweetie! Does your tum-tum hurt?

Baby: Waaaah.

You: If you don’t tell me what the matter is I can’t help you!

Baby: Waaaah.

And so on.

6. Do not let the harried doctor dissuade you from bringing your baby in to be checked up every other day. Treat his assertions of “it’s normal” with great suspicion. (Just kidding.) Jokes apart, if you have an alarmist doctor who enjoys stirring up your anxieties, dump him and go to a sensible dr. who rolls his eyes, smiles and says. “It’s all normal. Can you please not come back tomorrow??”

7. Most importantly, enjoy your baby. My mother has this theory that babies are created cute so that everything is worthwhile and I must say I agree. When you are greeted by toothless, gummy grins and delighted squirms when she sees you first thing in the morning the world just seems a better place. If she’s yelled herself hoarse in someone else’s arms and falls silent in yours, you feel like you’ve done something worthwhile. After she holds a long conversation with you entirely consisting of ‘aa-coo’, ‘abuh’ and ‘enge’ you feel so proud at how smart your little girl is that you could burst. So keep all of that in mind during the sleepless nights, the endless worrying over health alarms, and the inconsiderate timings of her desire to be picked up.

8. Also, you should learn to type with one hand really fast.:)

P P.S- There's some weird stuff happening with the format. Will correct it when I get the time, tata!