No Time Like the Present...

Though I always crib about modern times, I’m always cured off my disaffection when I give myself pause and think , “what would I have done if I’d been born 500 years earlier?”

With my artistic leanings (read: no practical skills whatsoever) farming or business would’ve been barred to me as occupations. I’d probably have gravitated to the royal courts of the land and eked out a living there:

“Birbal!”

“Yes, your majesty!”

“What was that?”

“That was our new bugler sounding the war bugle, sire!”

“I thought my elephant pooted.”

“No indeed, lord, it was the bugler: he lacks lung power somewhat.”

“String him up by his thumbs when we come back from battle, we can’t have the enemy dying of laughter before we get to them, can we?”

“Very good, sire.”

Or,

“Anarkali!”

“Ji Huzoor…”

“Please ask that back up dancer not to eat from my guests’ plates.”

“I will, sire” (Anarkali begins to back away)

“Atleast not while she’s dancing, it affects the aesthetics of your show…”

“I’m terribly sorry, Huzoor.”

“Anyway she should knock off the laddoos, look how chubby she is.”

“A Thousand pardons, my Lord.”

So, apart from the off chance of being born as a princess with loads of dowry to bring to a marriage (with my luck I would’ve been the sort of royalty who’s severely inbred with buck teeth and eventually gets burnt to a crisp when her 90 year old raja-husband cops it) I would’ve, male or female, been a sorry failure back in the day.

So next time I complain about how horrible our times are, you are welcome to remind me I wouldn’t have had a job to help keep body and soul together -- nor a blog to write about it in, in any other time but the present.