Elevation!

I am quite the enemy of technology, and another thing which I use but wish I didn’t have to are elevators. It’s just that people don’t make buildings close to the ground anymore…it’s always the fifth floor or the 13th floor. So one day, I made the hard decision of using those metallic box-like thingies that shoot up and down with a sickening lurch and that bottomless feeling in your stomach.

But here is the nub. I don’t dislike elevators because I’m claustrophobic, or scared I’ll be trapped in them alone during a powercut. It’s the fear that I won’t be alone. I don’t think anything beats the awkwardness of having a stranger with you on an elevator. Both people spend those few minutes staring fixedly at the numbers on the screen, silently willing the lift to -- get there faster! It’s all very embarrassing.

And if you know the person slightly, but are not on regular talking terms with him/her…it’s excruciating. You spend most of the time darting little glances at each other, wondering whether you should talk, or whether you can get away with not talking. And then the lift doors open and you burst out like you never thought you would see your floor again, and practically weep with joy when you get to your doorway, far far away from nasty pregnant pauses in little metal boxes.

Down with all elevators, I say. Institute the Stair-hour in every workplace so employees can climb the stairs to office without being late. Not only will it solve all weight problems for those with sedentary jobs, it will also dramatically reduce embarrassment in our lives.

Up with stairs, down with elevators!