I hate it when people giving advice on TV sagely say “Just be yourself.” What if a person isn’t really too great when he’s being himself? Has that struck these bloody “be yourself” fanatics? I bet Eva Braun told Hitler to be himself every morning over a cup of tea. We all know how THAT worked out. It would have done the West a lot of good if he had been a little less himself.
And how about the assurance I hear characters on the TV giving each other all the time…”It’ll be OK. I promise.”(Sincere, comforting smile)
YOU promise? How does that work again? I have a rare genetic disorder that makes one ear double the size of the other and YOU promise it will be OK? And what will you do if that promise happens to be broken?
“You’re beautiful” is another statement that never fails to annoy me. (on TV, i.e.). It’s usually said to some brassy blonde with buck teeth and a boob job. Or when the tearful nurse produces a wrinkled up, blotchy-red, distinctly monkey-like baby to the mother with all her mascara and false eyelashes on and says “You have a PERFECT little baby girl!”
Apparently the American police force are always running about saying “Let’s DO this!” to each other. I feel like killing myself every time I hear it.
A regular comment on the Oprah Winfrey Show which makes everyone go all teary-eyed is “I thought of how sad little Timmy would be when I’m gone, and that’s when I decided I would not die.”
I’m sure lots of people decide the same but pop off before they can make it to the Oprah Show. Since you hear live people saying it, you think…Wow, she decided it wasn’t her time to die, and here she is, giving the intimate details of her gruesome disease on international TV! That must mean all the people who die just have weak will power!
I think the best one is…”The last time I checked, this was America!”
Kill me, kill me right now.